No one likes to look foolish or be embarrassed in public. We spend much of our lives guarding our privacy and, culturally, we do not speak openly about our family finances. There is no socially accepted forum to discuss what we earn or spend, how much we borrow and how we financially organise ourselves. Whilst there may be some light, social banter around income levels and the costs of living, we are a reserved nation when discussing our personal finances.

Therefore, when things start to go awry, we often feel that we have no-one to talk to or we fear guilt, humiliation or belittling by others who may regard our actions as foolish, misguided or uncontrolled.

Problems do not usually go away of their own volition. They can be ignored, but will usually fester and get worse if no alternative actions are taken. Nothing will change unless actions are taken to enforce a change. That is as true of finances as many other things in life.

Since the family finances are so core to the standard of living we experience, it is one of the key areas that can stir strong emotions within relationships. If partners are not of like mind on budgeting and spending, a rift that can be papered over when money is relatively plentiful suddenly becomes a chasm when finances are stretched. The longer the problems exist, the wider and harder the chasm becomes to cross.

A head in the sand approach may provide a short respite - but unless that time is taken to think of what can be done, then the time is wasted and fruitless. Usually, the symptoms and causes will still exist and the problem will get worse. Now is the time to get the head out of the sand and take specific actions to get back in control before the consequences become too great.

Rest assured that you will not be the first one to have encountered problems with managing the family finances. Debt is ever present and there is a huge industry now that both encourages its use and helps us to manage our way forward and back into control of our lives.

Free advice and counselling is available at any office of the Citizens Advice Bureau. They can provide advice and guidance to help sort out relationship issues and practical debt management.

First and foremost is the need to create a budget and look where the problems really exist. Next you will need to take a hard look at what you spend and seek alternative, lower cost alternatives - or cut out some of the discretional items altogether until you are back in control. Having done this, you can now address the debt obligations and work out what is needed to get back in control. If you can't see the wood for the trees, then help is on hand to assist you. As well as the CAB, there are any numbers of debt management companies that can work with you to help balance the books. This may include a debt management plan (where you work with your creditors to agree a voluntary reduction in payments) to a more formal Individual Voluntary Agreement (where a more formal agreement is drawn up with your creditors to write off some of the loan balance in return for a reduced monthly payment).

All of these routes lead you back into control or to a fresh start with your finances. You will need to change your lifestyle to avoid a recurrence - but there is always a solution if you have the courage to take that first initial step and acknowledge that you have a problem.

Browse a range of useful websites about Debt Problems.